Kaiser Mommy

Choose Joy. Every Time.

I see Thestrals

In the opening of Harry Potter 5 (Order of the Phoenix) – Harry sees Thestrals for the first time. They are what pull the carriages from the train to the castle of Hogwarts. Neither Ron nor Hermione can see the strange horse-like animals. Luna appears and explains that only those who have been close to a death can see the Thestrals. Which is why Harry and Luna can see them,.. Read More

Cold and Gone

I wrote this about my ancestor a while ago, but it’s been coming to mind lately so I figured I’d share it again. I’m alive only because people died. Well loved mothers and fathers, wives and husbands. Dead. In the ground. Cold and gone. So that I may be warm and alive and writing to you. I am the 21st child in my family. Yes, you read that correctly –.. Read More

Today In My Life

745 Breakfast duty – greet students, smile, hurry along to get food, but not too fast because thou shalt not run! 800 See new student coming in with Principal, greet her like she’s long lost kin. Swap breakfast duty with principal, Hug a student back when she hugs me. Even though the hygiene is sketchy. Because I know things about this student that would make me scream in the night.. Read More

Still Screamin’

I’m okay y’all. I’m screamin’ it out. But I’m okay. I guess that post is one that was in my head one way and came out another way. I don’t like to be patient. I don’t like to wait and see. I want to know if my energy spent is worth it. Especially after spending so much of the last year on something most definitely NOT worth my energy and.. Read More

Scream it Out

Yannow the Linkin Park song Bleed it Out? In my case it’s scream it out. er. make that SCREAM IT OUT I’m just that mess of so much that needs to GET OUT After a week of being sick . . . without energy . . . the walls of the house closing in as I can.not.function and can only sleep to get the will to get out of bed.. Read More

tribute to my sexy voice

Smelly Dawn, Smelly Dawn, You smell like vapo rub Smelly Dawn, Smelly Dawn Wow barking co-ough! You sound like a smoking vet You’re not gonna sing at the Met Smelly Dawn, Smelly Dawn Wow barking co-ough! Your students think you are insane Your memory has gone down the drain Its hard to know if they know their sounds When your head feels like its in the ground! Ev’rybody! Smelly Dawn,.. Read More

people person

There’s a weird little flip side to the joys of independence. The times that I can’t fill the role myself. Like listing “in case of emergency” contacts for work. This week I was supposed to give the admin my emergency contacts. My mom was a no brainer (if a wee bit pathetic feeling) but a second contact . . . I had no idea. I had no “person”. I was.. Read More

I will make this a home if it kills me – and it might

Every day I do things on my own. The mom, the home owner, the teacher, the matriarch, the Dawn. I’m pretty bull headed obstinate stubborn determined to do this thing on my own – equal parts independence and not wanting to be a bother to someone else. My shower head broke this week – spraying water out the back and the front and making an Alex worthy mess of things… Read More

Declaration Day

I had it marked on the calendar for this 40 some days. August 1, 2011. Declaration Day. The day I would end my silence between the Dude and I. The day I would declare where I stood. After taking real time to be on my own and examine it all. After giving him the chance to show how he really felt. On this day, I declare I am done. After.. Read More

Bookshelf of Grief and Growing and Recovering

I’ve been asked how I got to the other side, how I went from head in a bottle in bed to joy. It’s lots of stuff, but here’s the book list so far. 1. I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy and Power Brene Brown, Ph.D., L.M.S.W. I heard Brene at Blissdom and bought two books from her. This book talks about.. Read More

For Amanda On Her Birthday

Dear Amanda, Your words move me, touch me, comfort me, support me, make me nod and smile, make me ache, make me joyful. I have called your words perfect. Your words have helped me evolve on my own motherhood path. Buying shoes with you in San Francisco while tiny Finley Frost was wrapped to your chest (before your flight from hell home zomg). Chicago when you physically and emotionally ached.. Read More

Who I want around

My exercise of the week is to make a list of the kind of people I want in my life – which after this last weekend, is a joy to do because they have been the best possible example of who I want in my world. I want people who want to get me. ME ME ME ME. I want people who laugh at my stories. I want people willing.. Read More

Ten Things People Should Know About Me

1. I don’t check voice mail. Text me. 2. I cannot play any sports. Sad Panda. 3. I only buy super soft sheets. 4. I can’t sleep on huge pillows. 5. I don’t like pepper. 6. I won’t eat beans. Any of them. Gag. 7. I adore all things Joss Whedon. 8. I can’t shop at Victoria’s Secret. 9. I don’t wear perfume. I would, but I just don’t. 10… Read More