Kaiser Mommy

Choose Joy. Every Time.

41 weeks 3 days

Ah. By 145pm I’d taken two naps. Not a bad day. I missed out on the 85 degree building at school. No bad there. Scout and I have excavated his toenails in the search for healthy nail bed under what grows on his big toes under the code name of “Toenail”, but “Toenail” is clearly a not so secret undercover agent of the apocolypse, endangering healthy toenails everywhere – namely the ones known.. Read More

41 weeks 2 days

Seriously, I’m so pissed off about this that I’m convinced Alex will be born with horns. I hate me, I hate Scout, I hate the baby, the cat has been smart enough to stay away from me so she’s safe from the hate, I hate the grandparents (all of them. Both of my parents have had “lovely” conversations with me today. Serves them right for trying to talk to the savage beast.) I.. Read More

41 weeks 1 day

“You will enter a situation in which you have no control.” And here I am. I keep telling Alex that he can either make the choice to come out on his own, or someone will help him. And that I’d rather he come out on his own. I’m so cranky. Scout’s even watching Will Ferrell bloopers on you tube and I can’t manage to find them funny either. It’s hot and sticky and.. Read More


I’m a pretty intervention free kind of pregnant woman. Alex has till 840am on Tuesday before the gentlest of the medical type interventions begin. So if you’d wanna say a prayer or whatever that this boy decides he wants out between now and then…. In the words of Bill Lumbergh – “That’d be greeeeeaaaat.” On the flip side of the medical interventions are those we can try at home. Nipple stimulation, sex (semen.. Read More

First Day Home

I think I’m nesting. But not in a clean the house kind of way, in an I never want to leave the house kind of way. I just want to stay home, read a book, stretch, relax, nap… I’m living the life of Tavish. I’m doing nothing, and it’s everything I thought it could be.

Last Day of Work

I didn’t know when I went to bed last night that today would be my last day of work. But when I got in the car this morning with Scout to go to work (late). I knew. When I walked into work. I knew. While I was reading the end of a book to my 5th hour class. I knew. While I was reading that book something shifted in me, and my mind.. Read More

Nominate me for the Nobel Peace Prize

Seriously. I have figured out some serious shit today. In reading the book The Sweet Potato Queens’ Field Guide to Men: Every Man I Love Is Either Married, Gay, or Dead the author talks about “Man Ears”. To quickly sum up – Man Ears is what all men have that make it so that everything we say somehow becomes an invitation for sex. Example: “Let’s watch a movie” becomes “I want to watch.. Read More


Annoyed with the midwife today. Wtf is it with people and the freak out over OMG YOU DIDN’T POP THIS KID OUT ON THE DUE DATE WE MADE UP FROM THIN FUCKING AIR? Never mind that her “exam” was so fucking rough I finally asked her if she was wearing a ring when her knuckle was pushing through my taint (Okay fine, women don’t have a taint, but you get the idea.) THEN.. Read More