Several months ago, Alex was at the peak of his terrible threes, aka his antimommy phase.
I broke down sobbing because I KNEW I could not parent this child alone. I was terrified of being overwhelmed and failing.
Now what am I doing? I am parenting this beautiful child alone (I am not discounting Scouts excellent fathering, I’m talking about the day to day when it is all on me.)
Last week, I wasn’t the parent I wanted to be. I was short tempered and out of excitement and energy. Friday I took him to mom and asked for a couple hours off. I told her I wasn’t living up to my own expectations and wanted to regroup.
Within 15 minutes of Alex’s extreme energy she said “I think you are doing a great job of parenting – you’re letting him live.”
Yesterday I was thinking of how much I miss the dude and his heathen boys rough housing with Alex. The laughing and how he thrived on that energy. I added wrestling and hard physical activity to my list of things I needed to do.
I took it right back off that list.
Because the metaphorical lightbulb went on.
I am his MOMMY.
I am HIS Mommy.
Which means I do NOT have to be EVERYTHING to him. Matter of fact I should NOT be everything to him. There are too many people in this world for him to learn from, for me to try to do everything would take away from what they are meant to do in his life.
Also, if I’m trying to do everyone elses job (perceived job) then I’m not doing the things I do best.
So yet again I stand at the beginning of a new chapter. This time of parenting. Where my calling is to be the best Alex’s mommy I can be. Where I learn something each day. Where I grow in patience (cuz wow imma need it) and joyfully, grow in love.
Love it! I think that’s a great lesson for everyone, parents and non-parents alike. We can’t be everything to someone, but we can try to be our very best every day. And, man, the threes SUCK!! Dallas has become a petit monstre, and we’re still officially a few months away from three. Eeeek.
One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn as a parent (and as a person) is that when I don’t let someone help me, I am depriving them of a valuable experience. Sure, I *can* make Sunday lunch, but my mom wants to. And if I am constantly trying to prove to her that I can do it all-on-my-own-thank-you-very-much, then she never gets the chance to love me and my family the best way she knows how…by cooking for us. And that’s just a simple example. But still, it’s hard for us I-can-do-anything-I-put-my-mind-to people to let go of even the simple things, isn’t it?
Rachel - A Southern Fairytale
<3 <3 <3
yes yes yes
Been there, love this. Thank you for the reminder xoxoo
I think it’s great that you’ve learned this lesson already. Almost 8 years in, I’m still trying to be both, and more. This entry made me rethink that, again. I want to remember!
Your boy is so lucky to have you, Dawn. His dad too. 🙂
Such an important lesson! When my first husband died when our son was an infant, I was scared to death about the every day, complete responsibility for this little human being. And then I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to teach him all the things I knew his dead father would want him to know (talk about pressure, right?) Anyway, it was then that I decided I needed to find the content experts in the things I wanted him to learn. Even now that I’m remarried, there are a few things that my husband just isn’t into, so I’ll have a few content experts still.
Content experts, that’s my answer 🙂
Mommies are given a special role and we do it well without realizing it.
Then you’d get two brains too! (Sadly they do not work in conjunction …)
Love this – and it goes beyond momming – we dn’t have to be all to all people… something I easily forget too.
Allison @ Alli 'n Son
This is the exactly what I needed to read tonight. And now, I’m accepting help from family, because I can’t do it all. Thank you.
So wise, sweet, strong friend!
Bravo, Dawn! And thanks for a timely reminder.
Puppy Boy « Kaiser Mommy
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