I need ET to walk up to my heart with his glowy finger and say “OUCH“. Cause that’s where I’m at, folks. Tight throat, tears seeping out. Fuck I hurt. Yesterday as I was taking a nap – because growth causes the need for sleep . . . and ice cream . . . I was trying to decide what I could actively do differently when the going gets shitty… Read More
Last night, I was trying to fall asleep. Instead I was rehashing shit my dad’s girlfriend pulled before and after he died. Charming things such as trolling my blog, my friends’ blogs, telling my grandma his soul couldn’t rest because of how I was handling his estate, keeping all the money for herself (against his written wishes), not paying for the funeral, the strings of emails to my brothers and.. Read More
It used to be simple. Scout and I had Alex. I was exhausted, never wanted to go through pregnant and newborn again. He only ever wanted one child. He got his boy on the first shot. Done. Then my dad died, I was destroyed, and the only thing that that let me survive that was my brothers. Granted, non-legal step-brothers if one wanted to be technical. Still. These men are.. Read More
I am totally stalling cleaning my living room by writing this post. You know how it is. I’ve spent the month of June collecting myself. There’s the time spent with “Mine” (who still has no blog name). Alex is back for camp and swimming lessons. My goal for the month of June is to get my house together. Plan for July is get my office and businessy stuff together (the.. Read More
After the debacle of the boys and calling off men for the summer of 2012 and planning for all my romance to be of my own design with my girls … After deciding I loved my little house and my little life – I sat at my friend Amanda’s and I met a boy. Nice enough boy. A month later I decided to make a play for the boy. As.. Read More
I gave in to the hysteria of women everywhere going “zomg! you have to read this book, Fifty Shades of Grey. I was so completely underwhelmed in the first few chapters. To sum up for you: “Hi, baby, my name is Christian Grey, baby. I am hot, rich and like to fuck, baby. I have commitment issues, baby. I have control issues, baby. I have rules, baby. I’m a bad boy,.. Read More
(I’m getting some compensation for this post.) I’ve never had fantastic luck shopping for sex related anything in mainstream stores. Either I have to dodge buying my pleasure packs from teenage boys, or I have to have a friend buy my condoms because I’m in the line behind the oldest teacher in my building (this was a real event when I was student teaching.) As a single thirty whatever woman,.. Read More
A few weeks ago there were 681 people on my friends list. Tonight there are 314. For the most part, I decided there is a difference between people I know and people I once knew. People I wanted to know, and people I *do* know. I had a friend who once redrew the biblical story about the woman who looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. What’s made.. Read More
I’m an introvert through and through. I *adore* extroverts. I don’t want to be one, but I do sometimes imagine myself as one – the person yelling the loudest at a baseball game – the one who runs in front of people and starts the wave – the one who dances on the table with lampshade on her head . . . Give me an extrovert as a partner in.. Read More
I’m sad. I’m coping, but I’m still sad. Spring Cleaning my life is leaving me with the need to sit quietly and feel the sad. Not the need to write an emo poem, just feeling it out, letting it happen, knowing it will heal. I think anytime we make a decision, it comes with a certain amount of grief for the road not taken. Having a child or not. Having.. Read More
I came to an uneasy feeling truce with Easter this year. It began with it’s usual shit-storm on my life two weeks ago, and continued to destroy relationships and plans right up until Wednesday before the Bunny-eared Lich Jesus holiday. On that day, I started picking up the bricks of the rubble of my world and throwing them back. I starting tearing things down on my own terms. On the.. Read More
So. The Dude had to drop by to give me my payment. You know, for the shitloads of cash he still owes me. I was working on installing a shelf along the fireplace wall – down by the floor – with the front door open . . . When I heard the car door slam, I leaned forward at the knees to drill an anchor into the wall. I inspected.. Read More
I don’t trust most people. I’m just not built that way. I am an introvert with no desire to change that core piece of who I am. I love who I love and I hate who I hate. I do my best to keep people in the neutral zone when I am not sure – because once they have moved into the bad place, there’s rarely a coming back from.. Read More