Kaiser Mommy

Choose Joy. Every Time.

Seeing the Joy

Last night I spent too much time on Pinterest, I spent too much time looking at pictures of perfection and the comparison between the perfection and my abs, my makeup, my hideously messy house, my stacks of clean laundry – Well – I got a little tight in the chest and clutchy in my breath. I’ve been trying to figure out the now and the next. I’ve been trying to.. Read More

Still throwin’ down over panties.

I’m still throwing down with you about getting the ugly out of your life. Knickers and all. That underwear drawer was a starting point for me. I keep thinking of you while I wander stores. I know Amanda got rid of the ugly and found that a week without kids is a good reason to get back to, ahem, basics, with her husband. You can get new, black, non ugly.. Read More

Dream Part Two

Since I wrote about the last strange little dream I had, I figured I’d add this to the pile. We were standing together, wrapped in our winter to spring outdoor wear. The sun bright, the breeze nice. Your arm wrapped around my shoulders. You looked like Matthew Broderick (Ferris Matthew, not Broadway Matthew), but I knew it was you. The way one does in a dream. I pressed my lips.. Read More

The Last First Day

That first year after Dad died was full of “this is the first day that …. without him”. Since he died in March 2008, Leap Day had already passed. In my own dorkalicious fashion, I’ve known all along that this “Last First Day” was out waiting, and now tomorrow it will be here. It’s not really a Big Deal, it’s just a little milestone bump in this road. Like Huh,.. Read More

The Best Kind of Birthday

In the post Valentine’s romantic barfness, comes my birthday. (24th) Once upon a time, I would have hoped for jewelry or flowers or classic romance. I dreamed a different kind of dream last night. He … [It has a to be a guy, because trying to picture a woman in this scenario just doesn’t work for me. Equal love for my peeps and all, but this is a plan that.. Read More

Roads blocked and not taken.

It’s been a dark couple months in my head. December was filled with promises of awesome, and it just didn’t happen. I ended 2011 alone and bleak and sick. January opened with beautiful weather and a few healthy days for me, and then falling from the death plague that kept me in bed for four days (no really. me. bed. four days. ridic.) and I’m STILL moving through the exhaustion.. Read More

Together a Team

I went to church this morning. I didn’t want to. Alex wanted to. So Scout and I took him, he ran off to play with the preschoolers (So we thought … he actually went with the big kids … another story) and we sat in church. I’ve been a ball of rage at the universe. My own little world isn’t coming together with the glitter and fun I’d been praying.. Read More

Why I won’t try online dating

Since I’m single and not exactly in a hotbed of male activity, the question has come up more than once. Frequently accompanied by “so and so met her husband that way”. I think it confuses people that I’m so “online” yet resist online dating. I’ve always hated the bars, the meat market, the feeling of having to sell myself. Over Christmas Break, I sat in front of one of the.. Read More


Once upon a time, Alex didn’t like me. By once upon a time, I mean most of the first four years of his life. He had his daddy, and I was Cletus the Slack Jawed Cousin who he tolerated at best, usually because I made milk and he liked milk. Once the milk days were done, he didn’t need or want me for much. I lost track of the number.. Read More

Older. Wiser.

Yeah, yeah. We’re all sitting around reflecting on our year. Here’s my post from last year summing up the Christmas Season. A year ago I was part of a big family. I spent New Years Eve with a house full of people, and at midnight I was singing Alex to sleep while my immediate adopted family was in the next room, quietly waiting the 3 year old to give up.. Read More

What I have learned I can do this year

1. Ice skate. (not well, but better than I could this time last year) 2. Belly Laugh. 3. Redesign speech/language services in a way that makes a LOT of sense for my school community. 4. Put down hardwood in almost my entire house, almost completely by myself. 5. Love my little boy with all my heart. Be the Mommy he needs. 6. Supervise graduate students. 7. Knit a sweater. 8… Read More

What I Have Learned About Me and Men and Relationships

1. If he says, “I’m not sure you are the one,” I shouldn’t try to convince him otherwise. 2. If the relationship has to be secret, it shouldn’t exist. 3. If he says he “can’t” shake off a girl, it’s because he doesn’t want to. If my gut is pinging, I should listen. 4. I can tell a lot about a man by his offspring. 5. If I try to.. Read More

I Fell in Love – A MommyNAlex Story

It took four and a half years. Not for me the head over heels with my little boy when he was born . . . not that day . . . month . . . year . . . or the years after. Scout and Alex bonded on sight. As Scout took care of his tiny bits with so much vaseline . . . you knew that daddy and that.. Read More