When I was in labor with Alex, the doula told me with each contraction Just get through this one. Focusing on that ONE contraction at a time was what I needed. Just get through this one. With this break up, I’ve been all up in explaining things to other people, and to myself and . . . Just get through this one. Everything has felt so catastrophic to me. Such.. Read More
One of my favorite Buffy writers is Jane Espenson. Loved her stuff anyway, but back when Anissa was coma girl, Jane sent a get well photo of herself holding a sign with a little heart and a stake on it. Rock on. I was listening to a season 6 commentary about the Buffy-bot, and there was a line about “putting marzipan in your pie plate” that was so random. The.. Read More
So by now, several of you are wondering, “Why the fuck are you putting up with any of this?” Well. The Dude and I have known each other a long time. We’ve been friends through: our middle school awkward phases his parents’ divorce his mom’s coming out his sister’s coming out his mom’s partner’s cancer my dad and wife separating his dad getting remarried his girlfriend’s pregnancy. in high school… Read More
So, I am alone and The Dude is spending time with the tatted up skank. She is taking over girlfriend roles – stopping by his mom’s house, getting invited by the fam to his sister’s graduation. His apartment is almost entirely de-Dawned except for some furniture sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor. He asked for the key to his apartment back. He gave me back my car keys.. Read More
There is a scene in the movie Runaway Bride where Julia Roberts realizes she doesn’t even know what kind of eggs she likes best. She finally sees that her whole life, she has liked the eggs of the man she is with, never learning to make up her mind, or give herself the chance to make her own decision. That scene has weighed uncomfortably in the back of my mind.. Read More
For Sarah. The Dude adores mac and cheese. Fortunately for me, I can make some. With the help of Twitter and my loverly HOT friend Rachel, who pointed me in the direction of a great recipe. Which I do not remember now, but I will tell you how I make it. 1 pound of pasta. Whatever works. package of bacon. 1 pound of cheese. I use something in a sharp.. Read More
I bought a book last week at amazon. Something to help me, just maybe, understand the Dude a bit. Something that might help me even understand myself, my child. Something to help me grow as a person, and increase my compassion and patience. If I spent another dollar and change, I could get free shipping. So I bought a vibrator. (photo url)
I thought about changing my hair. That’s what we do, right? Break up, then get a makeover to represent the change? Like a sacrament. Sacrament being an “outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace”. Except in this case it is less grace and more “pain and growth and change and fuck you and omg”. Then I realized. I actually like my damn hair right now. Apparently. Since.. Read More
Tonight while the Dude and I were eating our gourmet dinner from a fast food bag, my phone rang. A girl I’ve known since high school. I let it go to voice mail so I could call her after he left. After giving me a bit of shit about the whole moving home, getting divorced, why didn’t I call thing, she asked how I was doing. Oh well . … Read More
Today, I just breathe. The best that I can. I will sit at my desk and I will work on signing my students out. And I will breathe. It may not be as optimistic as a bucket list, but I’m going to keep on trying. I will try Andrew Weil’s 4-7-8 breathing pattern after each student leaves my office. Basically inhale 4 counts, hold for 7 counts, exhale for 8.. Read More
It’s not an awesome list. But it’s the first I’ve made that was pretty much all about me. A list of potentiality to turn into kinecticity if you will. See all 50 states. Grow my nails Do 50 pull ups Redecorate the house Live in Hannover, Germany Wear a bikini Come from sex Kiss a girl Skydive Be proficient at driving a clutch Build a tiny home Cook a perfect.. Read More
I’m not even sure that is a real word. Part of being on this level ground is looking around at where I might want to go next. It’s well documented that I’m not a fan of Easter. So the fit hitting the shan this week isn’t so much a surprise as an “OF COURSE!” So when I say that I am reflecting on things, it is only a coincidence that.. Read More
I mean, still in the shit and all, but at least no lower than yesterday. The Dude bailed on the trip for Alex’s birthday. Which, yes, is one more checkmark in the “zomg you fucking suck, you fucking fuck” column. He knew he’s fucked me over. Again. Which. Yawn. Uh huh. I hear you. You say you’ll do better, yeah well we will see. It was one of those times.. Read More