I was gonna put up some fun post. But in keeping with the what. the. fuck. theme around here – I give you my facebook status from Saturday morning. “‘know how you have one of those days where you and your kiddo go to your mom’s for coffee and her greeting is, “Hey remember that person who was like family way back when we moved to the ‘burg? He’s.. Read More
Now that I am on the other side of the grief – lemme tell you . . . it got bad. There is a post sitting in my drafts where I would just pour out all the sadness and hit save and walk away. I don’t know if I will ever open it to read. I have another post where I saved each comment from facebook and twitter from my.. Read More
I’m not saying my gut work or my listening work or my forgiveness work is done, but I think I have learned the hard lessons, the basic lessons. The next part is to work on some clearing out of the old. Which for me will very much take shape as literally cleaning house. I have too much shit. Too many projects. Too much clutter. Everyone who has ever lived with.. Read More
I have had times in my life where I have felt a perfect peace. And shortly after I have had my world fall apart. I’ve always been a little bitter about that – Like oh thanks world, let me be happy and then fuck me over. So when I found myself on the other side, I was naturally suspicious. I enjoyed the feeling of being stable and centered. And.. Read More
after listening to my gut, I kept driving east. i had an unfamiliar feeling i was okay i didn’t love each and every thing about my life but i. was. okay. OKAY DAMMIT. i have found the other side. where i am enough. where other things and other people are blessings and i am enough. i. am. enough. I AM ENOUGH!!!
I didn’t listen to my Gut last fall. My Gut told me it wasn’t the right time for the Dude and I. I told my Gut to fuck off. In return, my Gut decided that not only did I need to learn how to listen, I also needed a big lesson in forgiveness. Last weekend, I read a book that at some point talked about forgiveness. It said, “Forgiveness is.. Read More
Most nights after Alex falls asleep, you can find me in my bed, on my “borrowed” wireless, laptop open on my knees, BlackBerry in hand watching for the red light to blink with a message. Eyes closed, breathing in rhythm. Meditating. Talking to God. The Universe. My Gut. Whoever drifts through and wants to chat. I’ve learned a hell of a lot in the last 2 months. I know I.. Read More
Several months ago, Alex was at the peak of his terrible threes, aka his antimommy phase. I broke down sobbing because I KNEW I could not parent this child alone. I was terrified of being overwhelmed and failing. Now what am I doing? I am parenting this beautiful child alone (I am not discounting Scouts excellent fathering, I’m talking about the day to day when it is all on me.).. Read More
I always get Scout an excellent tshirt for Christmas – the Daddy Needs a Beer shirt from Baby Brewing was an easy pick. (photo from Baby Brewing. Also. When Alex saw this photo he immediately read “Daddy Needs a Beer”. He’s FOUR. So see, Baby Brewing tshirts encourage LITERACY in our nation’s youth.) I heard Kristen speak on a panel back at BlogHer 2008. She talked about the story behind.. Read More
Monday was a rough day. I was picking fights with the Dude. Leaving angry voice mails and texts. I was still cutting back my smoking. (old habit back in the last few weeks . . . now down to 3 cigarettes a day.) My boobs hurt. PMS anyone? I realized I had forgotten TWO days of Zoloft. Crap. That quadfecta left me with limited patience for Alex, who of course.. Read More
Over a month ago, I broke down sobbing on the Dude. “No one touches me!” I mourned. I had gone from a relationship that even when the sex and the affection weren’t top priority, we were spooners. Hours each day I was held close in a sleeping embrace. And when the sex and the affection WERE top priority – wow. Just wow. And then it was gone and I was.. Read More
I love you. I will always have a place in my heart for you. But I’m taking a break from you. My give a damn is broken. Your bullshit excuses have worn me out. You threw away the thing you had always wanted with both hands. You were tempted, nay obsessed, with someone else. And I will forgive you of that one day soon. I’m using your stupidity and your.. Read More
Tonight Ivy and I were at a rehearsal dinner, seeing people we hadn’t seen in years. One of the people was the brother of the bride – an old acquaintance of mine – someone Ivy has known much better. He was holding his new daughter and we were cooing over her after the hugs of “been so long” and “good to see you”. His next question took me by surprise.. Read More