Kaiser Mommy

It was Easter season 2002. I had a good circle of friends, a good church, I was back in school and doing well, I had goals, I laughed deeply and really, really meant it for the first time in several years. I had good friends, and needed no dude to fill any of my places. So CLEARLY, I met a boy. THE boy. I met this boy at church (a.. Read More

We went to the ped last week, and on the 4 month information they gave us was this line: “Many babies sleep through the night by this time.” Oh. My. Gaw. Now, I really should have asked for definition of terms of the word “many” and the phrase “sleep through the night” because what those words translated as in my exhausted “oh. my. gaw. I’m never getting a full night.. Read More

So, I’m in the process of registering a domain name and moving stuff around. It’s been on my mind for a while, and I want to do the BlogHer ads. Why? Well. 1) I think BlogHer does good stuff. The articles that tick through my reader are generally well written and intelligent. I get to read articles about current events that appear factual without the scary media shock n awe.. Read More

My glass of mommy is pretty empty. I’d say it’s at about a 10. I’m new to this whole mom thing, but I’m wagering that I need to be at about 100 to be a happy, well rounded, good for Scout and Alex, mommy again. Being a goal oriented kind of girl I am creating a list of things and their point values to get me back to 100. I’m.. Read More

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Overwhelmed, out of time, in the midst of a messy house, with that fucking 164.5 on the scale AGAIN, can’t find my bra so the girls are sagging to the new post pregnancy location of my navel, cute shirts from Old Navy already feel like cheap shit after being washed a few times, yoga pants – again -, baby crying.. Read More

If I ever run into this woman I promise I will smack her around with one of my milk filled mammaries that wouldn’t fit into pretty lingerie BEFORE getting pregnant. In the meantime I’ll just quit fucking eating so “something” cute in my closet will fit that aren’t a pair of yoga pants and an old navy tshirt. Now what can I find that goes with little boy pee and.. Read More

To anyone giving me dirty looks in the grocery while I was holding my vocally crabby infant and pushing his stroller: Yes, I know it looks stupid, Yes, I know he’s annoying to listen to, I know this because I spend several hours a day listening to it. You get to go home. Blow me. To the woman in the awesome dress with her daughter in a wrap, who was.. Read More

I have a box sitting and waiting for me at the fucking post office. I have to repeat today in order to get my yoga pants. This is another “post office” than what I was at today. God help me.

I’ve had a stack of mail sitting in my car all month. It’s impossible to find a post office in the land of all the vices. Especially since I’m still learning how to do things with the little kaiser running the show. Garmin tried to take me to the next town over. So I’ve had photos for the grandparents, baby presents, wedding presents and a box of kilt in the.. Read More

As long as I’ve lived with Scout, anytime I had to do some household chore I didn’t want to do I would mentally refer to it as “being the mom”. Now I am the mom and here’s the reasons (today) that it sucks. Everyone else in the house is sleeping (Scout, Alex, MIL). I am not. I have had less than 5 hours of sleep …. for many nights in.. Read More

I’m so sick of typing one handed that all my compter correspondence is just going to hell. I did want to post that I’ve developed my first non curse word that seems to fulfill my needs as a curse word that I can say in public. I bring you : Clustersmack. Clearly public friendly replacement for ClusterFUCK. But the substitutions in Clustersmack seem to give my mouth enough things to.. Read More