I’ve been an Arizona girl in the land of the silicone and sunsets. I’ve been a Minnesota girl with the all things fried on a stick at the State Fair. I’ve been a Kentucky girl surrounded by the history of Mary Todd Lincoln and beautiful tree lined streets and horse fields and bourbon. I am the prodigal child. I leave, I berate her, I ignore her. She waits for me… Read More
I know I’ve declared that all I have to be is me. Days like today, there isn’t enough me. Today Alex needed played and played hard. He kept trying to jump on me. He wanted on my shoulders. “Baby, I can’t do that.” “Daddy can do it.” “I know baby, but Mommy can’t. He wanted to wrestle. He wrestled his teddy bear. (He also gave the teddy bear pretend milk.. Read More
Ah. Rhythm. Routine. Schedule. I crave it. I’m not good at keeping it – left on my own I’m far too airy fairy to follow a schedule. I’ve been trying ever since Alex was a wee tot to find a daily routine. For the last year my routine has been make a mess, eat some fast food, have a smoke, repeat. Occasionally with a blast of cleaning or home repair… Read More
There’s this red dress. I bought it a year ago for BlogHer in New York. It worked well when I tried it on and held my breath and posed just right. In practice, it was a little difficult to negotiate after several free drinks. I didn’t care, I was with my beesh . . . look at our smiles. I was shimmied into it when it didn’t really fit.. Read More
I’m going through old journals. I have quotes written in them, my own thoughts, my plans. This particular one is over ten years old. I have two movie quotes my friend Ty shared with me: Q: Are you in love? A: I have memorized his phone number, I do not share his toothbrush, it’s somewhere in between. (I believe it’s from Things to do in Denver when You’re Dead) The.. Read More
My wise friend Talyaa pointed out that while I may have disconnected from the Dude, that I was still holding on to the anger and hurt of the future I had planned on (and had been promised). Taking her wise words, I dug out the papers I had with doodles and thoughts and plans . . . Papers I hadn’t thought of till she showed me what was going on.. Read More
I’m fascinated with astro.com. (Thanks Cathy.) Plug in a person, birthday, birthtime, birthplace and there go hours of my life. Hey, ya’ll have Pinterest, I have astro.com 🙂 Since ya don’t easily work in “so, where were you born, uh huh, and what time was that?” in casual conversation, it’s a little limited in who you can look at “accurately”. I got a wild hair to look at my relationship.. Read More
Continuing to belt Keep Holding On. I got up today with the words from a friend on my heart Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.” – Mary Anne Radmacher I faced my principal and explained my situation with Alex on some mornings. As soon as she realized I meant SOME mornings and not EVERY morning she was fine… Read More
I was supposed to be at work at 9am. My first day back in a school since Alex was born. My first day as a single mom living on my own doing the juggle of parenting and working. (This was never my plan.) Alex stayed at Mom’s so this morning was easier. Before I left he told me he didn’t want me to go. Because he would be sad. I.. Read More
Ten new things since Declaration Day. 1. New couch in my living room. 2. New art over my fireplace (10 bucks and some creativity baby!) 3. New kisses from an old friend. (I, of course, mean “friend I’ve had a long time”, I would never call him old . . . 🙂 ) 4. New office – perk of being in a school – Alex loves my work. 5. New.. Read More
I had it marked on the calendar for this 40 some days. August 1, 2011. Declaration Day. The day I would end my silence between the Dude and I. The day I would declare where I stood. After taking real time to be on my own and examine it all. After giving him the chance to show how he really felt. On this day, I declare I am done. After.. Read More
I’ve been asked how I got to the other side, how I went from head in a bottle in bed to joy. It’s lots of stuff, but here’s the book list so far. 1. I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy and Power Brene Brown, Ph.D., L.M.S.W. I heard Brene at Blissdom and bought two books from her. This book talks about.. Read More
Dear Amanda, Your words move me, touch me, comfort me, support me, make me nod and smile, make me ache, make me joyful. I have called your words perfect. Your words have helped me evolve on my own motherhood path. Buying shoes with you in San Francisco while tiny Finley Frost was wrapped to your chest (before your flight from hell home zomg). Chicago when you physically and emotionally ached.. Read More